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Internet Knows You're Touching Yourself. And It Forgives You. - A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence

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Internet Knows You're Touching Yourself. And It Forgives You. [Jul. 28th, 2008|10:37 pm]
A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence
Internet Loves you. Even when you feel abandoned and alone, Internet is forever watching and guiding your mouse from afar. You need only prostrate yourself before Internet and you will be received into grace.

I know I sound like a True Believer, but ever since I discovered blogging for dollars I've been born again in Internet's glory. That's why I want to share this small pamphlet with you, explaining how it's never too late for anyone to discover the bliss of Internet's embrace.

In reality, the link represents a pretty cool development in my life. Atom.com, formerly atomfilms.com, has picked me up as an official blogger for their site. While they are still all about indie film-making, they've shifted the focus to comedy and wanted some self-indulgent text to go along with it. The current plan is that I'll have a weekly column with them with the occasional longer feature, such as the Comic-con walkthrough above. The weekly entries should begin in August and, while some of the implementation details are still shaky, they should be announced on the front page of the site somewhere.

I won't be quitting my day job any time soon, but this has some pretty rich potential. Atom.com is Viacom, which is Comedy Central, Spike TV and MTV by extension. If this goes well, other doors may well open. In short, as much as I'm content to just share good news with you folks, I'd greatly appreciate your patronage and sharing it with anyone you think would find my stuff entertaining.

You might ask, "If this Internet cares so much, why does it allow innocent computers to suffer at the hands of viruses and spyware?" Internet acts in mysterious ways, my friend.
linkReply

Comments:
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: namey
2008-07-29 06:28 am (UTC)
For touching himself?
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 03:02 pm (UTC)
It's weird when you've gotten to a place in your professional life when you think "I wonder if I can work in 'herpes' somewhere..."
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[User Picture]From: snatchbeast
2008-07-29 10:40 am (UTC)
If the internet loves me why does it hurt me so?

atom.com looks pretty rad.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 01:58 pm (UTC)
The internet heard you were into it.

Honestly, it's not really the best fit for a blogger (cracked.com is better in that respect), but this would be a great place to be noticed.
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[User Picture]From: snatchbeast
2008-07-29 05:38 pm (UTC)
I do love Cracked.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 05:46 pm (UTC)
And it loves me. I'll still contribute there, it's just nice to have guaranteed work.
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[User Picture]From: vengeance_is_me
2008-07-29 12:26 pm (UTC)

.

did you write the thumbwrestling sf2 tagline thing? i fuckin lost my shit after i read that. well, hopefully they'll understand your true genius and you'll be writing for some bigtime tv show or something. congrats.

p.s. i KNOW you lost YOUR shit when you saw the comicbook philosopher superheros. One weakness: underage handies done in double-time to Benny Hill Theme music.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 01:09 pm (UTC)

Re: .

Yeah, I made the SF2 thumb thing from scratch. I wanted to use the text "You have to defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance", but I thought it would be too obscure.
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From: launchvehicle
2008-07-29 02:14 pm (UTC)

Re: .

Ryu conquers all.
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[User Picture]From: vengeance_is_me
2008-07-29 06:53 pm (UTC)

Re: .

right, except ken. that's right, i went there.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 05:47 pm (UTC)

Re: .

Correction: While I obviously PS'ed the SF2 thing, the quote is straight out of the game. Zangief actually says that. I ran through all the quotes I could find online but that one was just too perfect.
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[User Picture]From: vengeance_is_me
2008-07-29 06:54 pm (UTC)

Re: .

but it's funny because thumbs don't have arms. see? but you knew that, because you're a funny guy.
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[User Picture]From: hotlavamonster
2008-07-29 01:46 pm (UTC)
God, finally!
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 01:57 pm (UTC)
I'm sayin!
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[User Picture]From: hotlavamonster
2008-07-29 03:16 pm (UTC)
Now shutter this one so I can take you off my friends list without guilt.
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[User Picture]From: primimproper
2008-07-29 05:13 pm (UTC)
Team Picard.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 05:14 pm (UTC)
Everybody else is just playahatin.
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[User Picture]From: shirogirl
2008-07-29 06:19 pm (UTC)
Ok, but don't forget us little people who loved and supported you before you were famous.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-07-29 06:23 pm (UTC)
I would never do that. At least not to the hot ones.
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[User Picture]From: calamityjake
2008-07-30 01:13 am (UTC)
You must have improved your blow job skillz.
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[User Picture]From: cynical5679
2008-08-15 04:08 am (UTC)
so do you need a secretary?
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-08-15 04:16 am (UTC)
Administrative Assistant. It's way more fancy sounding. You're movin' on up, girl!
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