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Looking Through Her Eyes - A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence

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Looking Through Her Eyes [Nov. 20th, 2008|07:37 am]
A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Flatulence
A quick email from my wife:

"fyi, one of our cereals has macadamia nuts in it. Don't let [the dog] at those since they can cause temporary paralysis. And no doing it just for kicks ;)"

Fuck that. When we got married I was completely up front about my love of animal paralysis. I still have to be ME, you know?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nanila
2008-11-20 04:18 pm (UTC)
I'm confused. Why was that warning necessary at all, because don't dogs normally eat, y'know, dog food? If she hadn't said anything about it, would it have even occurred to you to feed cereal to your dog?

Edited at 2008-11-20 04:18 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 04:30 pm (UTC)
"Dog food" is a fallacy you've been fed by the oppressive marketing machinery of Purina and affiliates. My dog lives exclusively on tableside cast offs of grissle and bits of paper napkin (for fiber).

In truth, our dog food is just human-grade raw meat so we really don't have a strong barrier drawn between the two diets. On rare occasion she'll get to finish bits of cereal or food we're eating, as long as it doesn't have chocolate, onions, raisins or other similarly toxic foods. So my famous chocolate onion raisin loaf is right out.
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[User Picture]From: miss_teacher
2008-11-20 04:40 pm (UTC)
Our dog eats better food than most people. I rarely let her even touch "dog food". Nasty shit.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 04:47 pm (UTC)
Just in case my wife has given you visions of my dog being fed caviar atop her velveteen pillow, it generally costs us the same or less to feed our dog a raw diet. And when you compound that with the fact that some really horrifying stuff has ended up in dog food, it just makes better sense.

Also, watching your dog eat raw meat is crazy manly.
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[User Picture]From: shirogirl
2008-11-20 04:25 pm (UTC)
I hear ya. I never let a stupid ring stop me from my love of salting slugs or making annoying hissing sounds to piss of the elderly with hearing aids.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 04:31 pm (UTC)
Ever try salting the elderly? They don't sizzle, but generally they're too feeble to stop you which is funny in its own right.
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[User Picture]From: shirogirl
2008-11-20 04:35 pm (UTC)
They might actually like it though (if you use Epsom salt that is).
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[User Picture]From: rdolivaw
2008-11-20 04:34 pm (UTC)
Anyway, unless the sentence, "I hereby swear that I shall not feed any of our animals, heretofore owned or acquired in the future, food products that may or may not induce temporary paralysis." was in the vows, you don't have to do what she says! (Sorry, A!)
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 04:36 pm (UTC)
You forgot the part where you bill me $3k for typing that.
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[User Picture]From: miss_teacher
2008-11-20 04:43 pm (UTC)
Hmm what about the line I said that I had the priest thrown in there that goes something like, "I own your ass, until your death, by whatever means, do us part."
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[User Picture]From: vengeance_is_me
2008-11-20 06:29 pm (UTC)

.

I'm just here to be part of the unprecedented 29 comments in this LJ. That hasn't happened in YEARS.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 06:31 pm (UTC)

Re: .

The trick is to reply to EVERYTHING. Double-duty, bitches.
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[User Picture]From: shamroq
2008-11-20 07:57 pm (UTC)
What kind of dog do you have? Some breeds are very sensitive to red meat, such as the Giant Vaginated Sissydoodle.
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[User Picture]From: calamityjake
2008-11-22 12:43 am (UTC)

um, "temporary"

just get it on camera.
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